"A Thief in the Night!" a tale of multi-species burglary...

"If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans"--Delilah

As I was finishing my hike in the Cruces Basin, walking the final quarter mile to the car, i was planning on getting to my next hike by 4pm, with plenty of time for a restaurant lunch, thinking maybe tacos, beans and rice...
Quick disclosure--when I'm at the very end of a hike, but just before my car actually comes into view, i often experience a moment of panic when i'm sure that it won't be there. Then, in a few seconds, i catch a reflection of glass or glint of metal through the trees and the car itself comes into view. Every time.
Of course, this hike was no different: as soon as i though to myself that i should've seen the car by now, and was beginning to worry, there it was.
But very quickly, i realized that, this time, something was different. And how...
i'd have to say the 1st clue that trouble was afoot was the mess of food wrappers, trail mix crumbs and shredded plastic strewn about the car. The 2nd hint was the smashed driver's side window and open lift gate.
I had seen fresh bear tracks a few hundred yards back, so before getting any closer i made sure that the bear had eaten his full and left the area. I moved in for a closer inspection, and looking past the food mess in the car, realized that my ice tools were missing.
I was momentarily perplexed as to why a bear might need crampons, an ice ax and snow shoes (it was a hard winter and a late spring, but still...) I soon realized that i had been burglarized not once, but twice!
Based on the fact that there were fresh bear, but no human, tracks in the snow that had fallen late night on the 4th, into the morning of the 5th, here's what i surmise happened:
The car was broken into by (barely) humans on the night of the 4th. The thieves left the lift gate open, allowing access to the bear, probably on the night of the 5th. A bear, by the way, who was probably just out of hibernation and delighted at the motherlode of goodies he'd just sniffed out. Remember that i'm carrying (or was, anyway) about 60 days of food...
How can i possibly describe the scene? Well, thank God for small miracles; due to his size (i'm guessing 8-9') the bear wasn't able to reach 2/3 of the food. But, oh, what he could reach, he demolished!
It would've been nice if all got his paws on were dry goods, like pasta or rice; this was absolutely not the case. In fact, what was in his reach was the stickiest, messiest foodstuffs that i had; pb & j, honey, olive oil, powered milk, cheese and sports drink.
I can't begin to describe what an unholy, sticky mess of food and bear drool covered the car and everything in it. A battalion of 3yr olds couldn't have done worse... Not to mention that it all smelled, strongly, of sour milk and cheese, with a citrus note from the powdered sports drink.
Another box of food that the bear was able reach contained my energy gels and cliff bars. Now i favor the caffeinated versions of both these items, and i estimate that the bear consumed at least 2,000 mgs of caffeine--the equivalent of about 200 Venti Americano coffees from Starbucks, with the extra shot of espresso in each... Now even if i'm close in my estimate of a 450-500 lb animal, that's still a damn lot of caffeine.
So a word to the wise; if you're planning a trip into the Cruces Basin in the near future, beware of encountering a hyped-up, jittery, sleep-deprived bear. One whose digestive system is probably proving, over and over, the old adage--a bear does shit in the woods, and i'm guessing you don't want to be anywhere near this one for the foreseeable future. As 2 thumbs noted, the bear will be lucky if he's able to hibernate next fall...
Now, this is all I have to say on the matter for now, but let me assure any concerned parties that all has worked out very much in my favor since. Thanks to the help of a number of people, i was pretty much good to go within 12hrs of finding the car violated. In fact, the help i got from these folks was so extraordinary, that i'd like to devote an entire post to them and their heroic deeds, and why this situation, which had bad news written all over it has turned out so very positive.